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- constructed a secret base on the moon
- constructed a secret base on Mars
- constructed a secret base in Milton Keynes
- placed a listening device in your pants
- put subliminal messages in the X-Files
- sold their souls to Satan
- taken the subliminal messages out of the X-Files
- become born again Christians
- built a secret network of underground motorways
- joined the Moonies
- pinned a "Kick me" note on Jeremy Paxman's back
- invaded Poland
- watched "Dr Strangelove" over a hundred times
- spanked their monkey
- spanked someone elses monkey
- stolen the Defiant
- cloned Captain Kirk
- shagged Jenifer Aniston
- kidnapped Ulrika Jonson
- castrated Tom Cruise
- told everyone the ending of "The Crying game" (She's a he!)
- told everyone the ending of "ID4" (We Win!)
- told everyone the ending of "the Usual Suspects" (Its him!)
- told everyone the ending of "Seven" (She's in the box!)
- told everyone the ending of "Twelve Monkeys" Part 1 (He changes nothing!)
- told everyone the ending of "Twelve Monkeys" Part 2 (The boy is him!)
- told everyone the ending of "Twelve Monkeys" Part 3 (He dies in the airport!)
- told everyone the ending of "Star Wars:SE" (It's the same as the old one!)
- gone to Rick's Cafe American
- infiltrated the Masons
- infiltrated the CIA
- drugged you with LSD
- taken control of world stock markets
- put chlorine in the water supply
- started playing Magic:The Gathering
- stopped playing Magic:The Gathering
- given up control of world stockmarkets
- gained control of world stockmarkets
- hired Chris Evans
- sacked Chris Evans
- bought shares in Manchester United
- funded the next season of Baywatch
- infiltrated Huntingdon Sewing Circle
- destabilised a small country in South East Asia
- made John Major PM
- made Bill Clinton President
- rereleased The Sound Of Music on Laserdisc
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